LOCATION: DITTO DITTO BOOKS
SECTOR: CORKTOWN [DETROIT]
ACTION: KITCHEN SHOW
I have always grappled with paralyzing stage fright.
Whether it was 2nd Grade Piano Recital MeltDown
or Wayne State College of Education
Brain Freeze Presentation, it happens.
The only way I have been able to deal with this
is via manic obsessive preparation,
or chemical counterparts.
Last night I had the seemingly
simple task of introducing Lisa Carver
to a small book store audience.
Because I am Matthew Jaworski,
this quickly turned into
the most monumental moment of my entire life.
I believe it was the fear of the unknown,
of not having a plan that was so terrifying.
I have never before had to face a crowd with no plan in place.
There was what seemed like 16 hours of uncomfortable silence.
Maybe it was only uncomfortable for me
but it seemed like an Eternity.
I suddenly found myself
talking to the audience.
I rambled on for a bit trying to get
the million thoughts
racing through my head out
in semi-comprehensible sentences
I remember telling everyone they were Wizards.
When I had a moment of self realization,
that I was actually (I think) successfully engaging the crowd
I kind of freaked out.
I dramatically fell to the ground,
coiling up inside my tortoise shell and hid.
I remained in that position for awhile.
I was hoping to be pummeled,
punished, violated.
None of that happened.
My shoes were removed, my glasses taken.
The polite little crowd did not abuse me,
injure me, or castigate me.
I think this was the biggest disappointment of all.
I am not sure what will happen tonight.
Maybe I will freeze before the introduction.
Maybe I will break down in the middle.
Maybe I will make it through.
Maybe Lisa will even do something.
None of us really know what will happen next.
The best thing one can do is BE THERE.
Maybe nothing will happen.
Maybe the most earth shatteringly
brain-drainingly megadelic vortex of
insanityexpereince of your entire life will take place.
BE THERE
TONIGHT
DESTROY COMPOUND
DETROIT
8:00PM
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